Proclaimer Blog
Christian books on sex.
There are LOTS of Christian books on sex. It's useful to know which are worth passing on without having to read them all. Here are Mrs R and my favourites. But it's worth saying that pretty much of all them have a fatal flaw: they never seem to get to Eph 5.32. That seems to me to be an enormous oversight. There is a deep, mystical connection between the union Christ has with his bride and the union enjoyed by a husband and wife who are one flesh. So, if you're giving some marriage prep for couples, make sure any discussion on sex is grounded in this remarkable and essential biblical truth.
The reality is that some disucssion of sex is essential for such prep – but it can be a bit embarrassing, depending on your nature and personality (and, it must be said, marital status). So, a good book can be a great help. Here are three of the best:
- Kevin Leman's Sheet Music: Uncovering the secrets of sexual intimacy in marriage (Tyndale House) is now relatively old in marriage book terms (2003). However, I still think it's the best. Helpfully it also has sections for pre-married couples together with guidance on which chapters to read when (you need to be disciplined to make the most of it). It's frank and you may not agree with all his conclusions (though, as it happens, I do). It also has helpful sections on intimacy later in marriage when other stresses and physiological changes take place.
- Greg and Amelia Clarke's book One flesh: honeymoon sex and beyond is much shorter (153pp), but also very useful. It has the added benefit (I think) of being frank without being cringy. It's published by Matthias Media and is a really good intro for pre-marrieds. Less useful, I would say, for those who have been married some time.
- A different book, but one we find useful to recommend to couples, is Intimacy Ignited by four people, two couples – the Dillows and Pintus's. It's a reading of Song of Songs with the couples interacting with each other. It requires you to read Song of Songs as primarily a love song (which, of course, we understand to have deeper meaning also, given Eph 5.32). Again, it's not one to be left lying down, but it's strength is that its style gets couples talking, as that's what the authors are doing.
There are others, of course. And then there are marriage books with useful sections on sex in them (and some not so useful, it must be said). And, if appropriate, do read these before you give them away. Don't take my word for it. The two longer books are also available on kindle.