Proclaimer Blog
Talking about sex
I've been thinking about sex a lot. That didn't quite come out as I expected, but it did get your attention. Let me explain. For one reason and another, the subject of sex (and in particular how the Bible encourages us to think about sex) has occupied Mrs R and I as we've been teaching on some marriage enrichment courses and working with various individuals. In particular I've been thinking about how the world's view of sex can be both a help and hindrance.
One of the key changes that has taken place in the UK in the last 30-40 years is a greater openness to talk about sexual intimacy. This is good. And bad. It's good that something the Bible thinks is good and is explicit about, Christians feel freer to talk about in appropriate ways. And that ability to be biblically frank has come, at least in part, from the world. We should be grateful. But the paradox is that the way the world understands sex and its implications is not always so good.
There's still wisdom in the world. In fact, Suzi Godson (The Times sexual health columnist) often writes and counsels on sex and relationships from a Christian point of view (though she doesn't realise it, I'm sure). But much of what we hear is skewed and distorted.
Christians can't always sift this biblically. For example, I think it's good for Christians that women – since the 1960s – have been liberated in some measure. Sex is not just something for the husband; a necessary duty for the wife. Thank heavens we've got beyond that. But with that understanding has come a self-centredness about sex (it's only good if I enjoy it) that the Bible knows nothing of. In fact, and here is where the church is so different from the world, sex is service. Good sex – if I can put it like this – is sex your partner enjoys. That is 180 degree counter-cultural.
And though we sometimes talk about sex the way the Bible does, I wonder if we're sometimes more driven by worldly thinking. I can't remember the last time I heard sex described as something that will keep you from sin, but Paul is clear: "Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." The Prayer Book service recognises this: "Secondly, It was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry, and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ's body."
Or, as Luther puts it in slightly more succinct 16th Century language: "Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave."
We've got to know what the Bible teaches ourselves and be those who – when it's appropriate – teach it faithfully to others.