Proclaimer Blog
When Vera Lynn doesn’t help your grief
I once heard Don Carson distill pastoral work into one phrase: "preparing people for death." He's absolutely right, ultimately. Strange then that many preachers should do such a poor job of doing just that. Any pastor who deals with those who are grieving will know deep down, if he is honest, that this is true. Many Christians take a kind of Vera Lynn approach to grief, "We'll meet again…..I know we'll meet again some sunny day." I was once criticised for criticising this thinking – on the basis that many of the older generation found the music and songs of Dame Vera a great help during WWII. Fair 'nuff. But that doesn't excuse it as a pastoral approach, where it is totally unbiblical.
This is how the Scriptures see it. Our hope for the future is that we will meet Christ. And in fact earthly relationships will be transformed. I am pretty sure that I will know who Mrs R is in heaven – but here's the thing. There is no marriage in heaven, and so I will relate to her as I relate to every other believer. That is not to diminish the relationship Mrs R and I have now. Quite the oppostite. It is to elevate every other relationship with every other believer to the same level and much beyond. And, importantly, together we will relate to Christ supremely as his bride.
If you think about it, hoping to be reunited with loved ones to continue earthly relationships is fraught with difficulty. What if they're not there? Will there be regret in heaven (impossible) or sadness (same again!). Will there be jealousy because they relate to someone else more intimately than I? No. We will all have perfect relationships – every believer will be closer to me than any earthly relative is now. Amazing.
And, I say it again, believers together will relate to Christ supremely and perfectly.
That is our hope. It might seem, in the present time, a bit cold when it comes to grieving. Not a bit of it. It's actually liberating. How do you think about a loved one who has gone? How, and this can really hurt, do you think about a loved one that has gone and seems not to have been a believer? Answer: with death those earthly relationships cease. In the case of an unbelieving family member, that liberates the one left behind from a lifetime of regret and guilt. The bond is broken. In the case of a dead spouse it means the living can continue to live. We cherish memories of course, but we do not grieve as those who have no hope.
Of course, telling people this when they face death is hard and, often, too late. Preach it now.
But still, I won't let people play "We'll meet again" at funerals.