Proclaimer Blog
Marriage & Ministry: addressing pressures
“Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?” If you are serious about ministry, then the answer to that question will always be “Yes” – “Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?” Are there pressures in marriage? There are. Are there pressures in ministry? There are. Are there pressures that come precisely because you are both in ministry and marriage? There are.
Like the privileges, these will be largely dependent on circumstances and seasons. Your pressures are not mine; and mine are not yours. In just a few lines I can hardly help you work these all out, other than to say the same gospel truths you apply day in and day out to other people’s lives are the same gospel truths which you need to preach to yourself and apply to your own lives.
But those in ministry often have a more significant problem: it is being honest about and identifying the problems in the first place. We (perhaps subconsciously) persuade ourselves that things are better than they are and that habitual sin (in particular) is just a passing phase and my temper/lack of patience/porn habit/alcohol problem/Facebook addiction (delete as applicable) will soon go away.
And yet it does not. And so a spiral starts and our marriages and our ministry get out of control. How do we arrest the decline and break into this spiral. Here’s one idea. Mr Preacher, carve out some time with Mrs Preacher. Plan for it. Then each of you list three of the biggest pressures on your marriage and ministry. Try to be specific: don’t just say “not enough time” – if you identify general malaise, you’ll only ever come up with general solutions and you’ll not get very far.
Compare your list. You may be surprised at the similarities – that gives you some idea what to work on. You may be surprised at the differences – that in itself is telling you something. Then apply gospel truths and realities to these issues. Work out some gospel grace-filled solutions, plan some baby steps; pray together. That will be a start.
Oh, and please can I say, on behalf of those you serve and your family, if you need help, please, please, please, swallow pride and seek it out. It may be one of the best things you ever do.