God loves your family unit. But it’s not a church
One of the less helpful things I hear young guys (especially) saying, is that their family unit (often with young kids) is a mini church. I think this comes from a genuine desire to lead families well, but I think it’s somewhat sub-biblical. For sure, there are things about a family unit which are similar to a church: we are to teach our kids for example; there are also word connections, most notably in the way that the word ‘family’ is sometimes used to describe groups of believers, such as 1 Peter 2.17. But drawing the parallels too closely is dangerous. For one thing, the passages that suggest this might the case cannot stand the weight. [It is also, by the way, part of Catholic teaching, ecclesica domestica].
For example, it is true that the marriage relationship is a picture of Christ and the church and the husband and wife are to relate to one another as Christ and the church do (Eph. 5). But that relationship, though mirrored on Christ and the church, is not the same in every area. For one thing, if that picture were extended to the family unit, it would make the husband the Messiah and the wife (not the family) the church.
Why is thinking unhelpful? For one, it idolises marriage. Marriage is one of the relationships Christ gives the church (and that’s the right language from 1 Cor. 7). Singleness is the other. Claiming families as mini-churches can elevate the family too much and demonise singleness.
It also perpetuates headship myths. I need to explain what I mean by that: I am a firm complementarian, but we need to acknowledge that there are aberrations of this position: misogynism, over-developed cultural stereotypes, etc. Making the family (a key building block) into a church (another key, but different building block) can encourage these deviations.
But most importantly, we diminish the church. The church is the church. It is the gathering of God’s people from every tribe, tongue and nation. It is the gathering of families and singles, marrieds and widows. It is the gathering together under the word of God to serve God and one another. A family can never be that, nor should it try to be. A family is different: glorious, still, lovely, beautiful, delightful, precious.
In fact, God loves your family unit. But it is not church.